Ok, now for a little background - as it may bring a little light on where I'm coming from. I grew up in the church - the church being a body of believers rather than an actual building. Apparently I started out in a Baptist church as a young child, although I have next to no memory of those days. Later, my mother switched churches to the Church of Christ (not the Latter Day Saints) where I most likely got most of my teaching and belief system from. I grew up hearing all the Bible stories taught to children... Adam & Eve, Noah & the Great Flood, Jonah and the Whale. I took it all in, unquestioningly as the truth as that was how it was presented. I had a very child-like love for the Lord as I recall. However, as I grew older, I found myself becoming less interested in God and organized religion as a whole. In fact, it got downright hostile. After all, I was a teen, and had no need for such things - I knew better and had other interests. It was more about ME than anything else, and I had a strong disregard and dislike for being FORCED to attend - as I'd rather sleep in, get up when I felt like it, and do as I pleased. Although I had expressed my distaste for being made to go, it seemed as if my mother wasn't listening. One of my friends (who is still one of my closest friends to this day) was interested in Wicca. I too found myself fascinated with the topic and I think that I still to this day have a curiosity for what some would refer to "fringe" or "taboo" topics. Now, even though my mother forced me to go, she had relented and allowed me to otherwise occupy myself during the sermons - being it an activity, or reading a book, or whatever - as long as it wasn't disruptive to those around me, and by this point I was also allowed to sit where I pleased, which was an upper balcony towards the back. So, being the rebellious teen that I was - and it was probably more about being forced into a mold in which I just didn't fit, I hatched a plan to gain my independence. I asked to borrow my friend's book "The Practical Guide to Witchcraft" I believe was the title. I took it with me one Sunday. During the sermon, I sat there reading - when an elder or deacon noticed and asked to see the book. That was the last time I remember being forced to go, and I got my way.
It wasn't until I was 23 (around 1992) that I found myself attending again - but this time, it was my choice. I had begun seeing someone who was a Christian and played the piano at a non-denominational church - the Christian Church (again, non-denominational). I attended regularly, and was eventually baptized, as it was required of anyone who would want to be married at this church. Now don't get me wrong, I did consider myself a believer - and what I had been taught years ago had stayed with me, but I had kind of pushed it off to the side. I found myself a little at odds over being baptized as a requirement to be married there - but I did relent. One question I remember being asked and asking myself was why I wanted to do this. Like I said, I still believed in what I had been taught, and the simple answer was... I don't want to go to hell. Would I have gone through with it if it hadn't been required, I really can't answer for sure one way or another. Also, I had been taught that baptism was for the remission of sins, and a step that any Christian took in loving obedience to Christ.
Now, I should point out - as some reading this may not know me as well as my close friends... But I'm not, never have been, and may never be what you would probably call a "people person". I'm much more content to remain unnoticed and just observe those around me. I have no desire to be the center of attention. Now, that isn't to say that I'm completely unfamiliar with social etiquette and I can't converse politely with others - I can. But being in situations with more than one or two people (especially if I don't know them well) is draining for me. However, if I do feel drawn to someone or as I get to know someone, things do become more natural and I will let them in to my life more. I bring this all up just to say - standing in front of a whole bunch of people proclaiming my faith, literally scared the heck out of me. So I was baptized with just myself, my soon to be wife, and the associate pastor present. It's something that I'll admit now that I am ashamed of. I feel as if it robbed others of the joy of seeing someone submit to Christ and be added to the body of the church. In a more personal way, it felt as if I had also turned my back on Jesus as well. It wasn't until some time later, that I repented, and stood before the church - broken, beaten, and in sorrow and repeated my statement of faith.
In the time since, I have had my ups and my downs in my walk with the Lord - and even times where I went in different directions. But for whatever reason, my beliefs as a whole have not changed, even though I have at times, set them down. Which kind of leads me to where I find myself now. I find myself desiring a deeper relationship with my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. I have a desire to learn and understand His word more deeply and clearly. And I have a desire to share my faith, my understanding, the joy, love, mercy, and grace that I have found with others as well. I still have questions, and a strong desire to know the TRUTH. So, please, do not take my word as gospel - I'm well aware of my ability to muck things up (although I do find I need to be reminded of this from time to time). Instead, His word (the Bible) is where I believe anyone looking for answers should turn. It, and it alone, is the word of God and the final authority - not me, not what a preacher says, nor any other book, song, person or whatever. As I study, and learn, and even question, I'll be sharing here from time to time. In some ways, I feel as if I'm starting all over again - back at square one. I am currently attending church, and learning, growing, praying, reading, listening, and serving my wonderful Savior. I am still a work in progress, but thanks to Jesus' work on the cross, his death and resurrection, I am freed from my imperfections and sin. Welcome to my walk.
Before I wrap this up, let me say, I don't consider myself to be an eloquent speaker or writer... And at times, things may seem a little disjointed or not make much sense as I think my brain sometimes works faster than my mouth or my fingers. Like I said, it might get a bit messy. And I'm likely to use a lot of other things I find on these pages - as there are others who I find often do a much better job of explaining things than I do. But let me close this out with my statement of beliefs as I have mentioned them but not explained them as of yet. The Nicene Creed does a really good job of that... So here it is:
"I believe in one God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth and of all things visible and invisible.Now, let me share with you a song - that to me is much like a prayer that was on my heart this morning.
And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all ages, God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God, begotten not made, being of one substance with the Father, through Whom all things were made: Who for us men and for our salvation came down from heaven, was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man: Who for us, too, was crucified under Pontius Pilate, suffered, and was buried: the third day He rose according to the Scriptures, ascended into heaven, and is seated on the right hand of the Father: He shall come again with glory to judge the living and the dead, and His kingdom shall have no end.
And in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and Giver of life, Who proceeds from the Father and the Son: Who together with the Father and the Son is worshiped and glorified: Who spoke by the prophets. And I believe one holy, Christian, and apostolic Church.
I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins, and I look for the resurrection of the dead and life of the age to come.
Amen."
Ironically, I didn't make it to services this morning - as I wasn't feeling well. So, to any of my brothers and sisters at South Potomac Church who might be reading this, I hope to see you next week, if not sooner.
One thing before I go - I will share what I listened to this morning as I felt as if it was a message that I needed to hear, and one I need reminding of. It's a lecture entitled "Salvation by Grace" by Ken Samples and it was featured on one of the light editions of one of my favorite podcasts - "Fighting For the Faith" that my brother Chris Rosebrough puts together. It was a blessing to me, perhaps you too might find it to be as well.
Fighting For The Faith - Salvation By Grace
Until next time... one last song, this one from my brother Pk Mitchell...
